Diaries of a Married Jules

After loving writing Julie's Meltingpot for a couple of years now, it's time to give birth to another blog. I want to introduce you to Diaries of a Married Jules. Like so many of my other ideas and inspirations, this one came to me in the middle of the night; 2:26 am last night to be precise. Only time will tell if this was a brilliant idea or just a fleeting moment in the life of, yours truly. That of course does not mean that Julie's Meltingpot is retiring. I'm simply spreading my wings. My hope is that this idea will take flight and I can take you on a journey with a scenic view of my life as now, a married woman.

When I first started Julie's Meltingpot I was living in New York City, dating my still fairly new boyfriend, and living life in the fast lane. By living in the fast lane I mean that much of life was centered around eating at fabulous restaurants, socializing at the newest hot spot and taking advantage of all that New York City had/has to offer. My boyfriend at the time (and now husband) SB and I had a whirlwind romance and courtship in NYC and we thoroughly enjoyed every culinary moment we shared there.

Fast forward three years. We are now living in Chicago, married, still enjoying all that the culinary world has to offer and I'm still cooking. What's different? Well, it's interesting that you should ask. After we got married, the two predominant questions that people would ask me were, how does it feel to be married? and if they were feeling particularly daring, when are you planning on having kids?. I'm not entirely sure if those were simply rhetorical questions or if they were wanting real answers. My suspicion is that it's the prior. And if my suspicion is right, then in my case, all of you are getting way more than you bargained for. Because this blog is all about "how it feels to be married" and maybe, just maybe I'll even be addressing the kid issue. You'll just have to wait and see.

If you had asked me a day or a week after the wedding how I felt being married (and yes, people did indeed ask just a week after), I couldn't have really told you. I was on a high after the wedding. It was the singularly most amazing day of my life. The day of and the day after I felt like I was floating on a cloud. It felt as close to an outer body experience I will ever have. Even looking back now feels almost surreal. A week later I felt (yes, still blissfully happy and in love but) like a walking oxymoron; I felt different and yet the same. I couldn't really wrap my brain around it. Today, four months, two weeks and zero days later, I may have figured it out. That is, how it feels to me.

How it feels to me is actually not very different from the walking oxymoron version of myself: different and yet the same. But perhaps now, much less of an oxymoron. Same: well, I'm not going into detail on this one - I am obviously the same person still. Still 5'4" (ok..... more like 5'3" and 3/4", maybe a half), still have black hair, still Asian. Different: my name on papers and documents have changed. But more significantly and less obviously my thinking has changed. What I think about has changed. The married version of myself has made room for other things in my life.

When I was single what mostly preoccupied my mind was my career, my social calendar, where to go, whom to go with and food (obviously!). Yes, of course I thought about my future, my dreams, goals, aspirations, and how to be a contributing member of society (besides paying my taxes every year). However, the every day activities and thought processes were mostly filled with living in the moment. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. As a matter of fact, all of my experiences as a single person have played an integral part in shaping me into the person I am today. All of the good, bad and ugly. I certainly wouldn't say that my "singledom" was any less significant or important than my married life. Today however, what I think about mostly, what so often preoccupies my mind are things other than the above.

As I am growing into my married self, I am learning new things about myself and I am learning what it means to commit the rest of your life to another person. I am learning that everything that I do and every decision I make affects another person. I am learning that I have three families now. The family where I came from, the family where SB came from, and my own family that I am creating with my husband. I am learning the blending and the boundaries of all of those three. I cherish all the love and fun that comes with that but I am also learning to accept the at times frustrating and painful growing pains that come along with that as well. What is life, if it is not loving, growing and learning?

As the growing, morphing and ever evolving version of myself I am making room in my life for new experiences and challenges. Married Jules will share with you not just the before and after, but the beautiful and transformative part in between. You will discover that food is not all I think about :).

Yours truly,
J

P.S.: Below are some photos of our wedding (by www.ameliaanddan.com)